Because the Joy of Cooking is a big, complicated myth
Go Ahead and Tie on that Apron from Anthropology that you registered for and snap a pic because the best part of cooking is... duh... the Instagram!
Step 1: Thaw out some wild-caught salmon
...Because your friend, who is a chef, says that "farm-raised" means they swim around in their own poo
...Because you saw a news segment on how ALL fish is frozen at some point before it gets to you, so there is no point in spending more for it to be de-frosted
....Because you believe anything anyone tells you
Step 2: Put a couple of potatoes in the microwave for 12 minutes
...Because those suckers take, like, an hour in the oven
...And who cooks for an hour?
....Because it's the microwave or fast food, pick your poison
Step 3: Put the salmon skin down on a frying pan (medium heat) and sprinkle it with whatever spices you have in your pantry
...Because I'm not Rachel Ray and spices are expensive.
....Why does every recipe call for some rare dried out herb?
...like what actually happens if I skip a few ingredients anyway?
Step 4: Finish your first glass of wine and then put on some Jazz... and almost immediately change it to Top 40
...Because you are not as sophisticated as your Aunt Julia
...Because you are a disgrace of a musician
...Because that's what the "private listening"on Spotify is for
...Because "you're too sexy beautiful, and everybody wants a taste, that's why..." #NickJonas
Step 5: Put those potatoes in the oven for 5 minutes and snap a photo for Instagram: "Baked Potatoes and Salmon tonight, I totally rock at cooking!"
...Because what people don't know can't hurt them
...unless scientists are right about the whole "cancer caused by microwaves" thing, in which case, I am a murderer
Step 6: Remove salmon from the frying pan and place it in a baking dish. Bake at 350 for 5 more minutes.
...Because food borne illnesses can really kill a dinner party, and you already gave everyone microwave cancer
...Because you had to pre-heat the oven for the potato photoshoot anyway
Step 7: Drink more wine and Instagram Away!!
...Because even your grandma has Instagram now, and she would be proud
...Because wine makes you a better host
...Because if you don't post it, did it even happen?
Originally released 1/14/2015 by Kristi Burke